6th Bell

     I left class to go to the bathroom, AKA take a break from class. I left at the lunch bell, not just any old lunch bell. Yours. As I walk down the hall your class is coming out... "Where is he? ... Where is he?... Where?... OH there he is!..." There you were... walking away from me... you turn around and I smile, just for you, and you turn back around and kept walking.
     I hate how bad I wanted to scream your name down the hall. I hate how bad I wanted to run to you. Just to give you a hug, say hi... see your smile...
     I felt as if you were completely ignoring me...but you probably just didn't see me...right? Maybe you did though. Maybe you did see me. Maybe you just threw an invisibility cloak only for your eyes over me and I don't show to you. Maybe I'm just a dinosaur wiped off the face of your life. Extinct. Gone. Gone forever.... but maybe... just maybe... you just didn't see me...
     BUT you looked back! How could you have not seen me?! I SMILED at YOU! If you are were truly "in love" with me then you have had eyes only for me... So, why didn't you see me? Have those eyes gone so fast?

     "Throw dirt on me, grow a wildflower. Fuck the world, get a child out her." "Love! Don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more" "hey hey! you you! I don't like your girlfriend! No way No way! I think you need a new one! Hey heyy! You you! I could be your girlfriend" "It's raining men! Hallelujah!" "jungle boogie wererwerer jungle boogie!" " hey no hey now iko iko un-day"
     Gibberish!! What is the formula for translating English to gibberish? Iay owknay ethay oneay orfay igpay atinlay. :)

Lunch

     Sitting alone at the table. Just watching students walk by. Watching them sit with there friends. Watching them talking, laughing...smiling. Here I sit. Alone. Lunch sucks. My friends come sit at the table. Yet I still feel disconnected and alone. I just can't handle life with out you. It's lonely... You. Friends. Yes you, friends, I need you.

Bus
(typed up all bus ride home on Ipod touch..
yeah talk about emotions spilling from my finger tips)

     You! For some reason i knew this break up would either break your heart or free your soul. I see you smiling, a girl on each arm. Just a few days after. I give you the book, you give me a crappy hug, swiftly say hi, not even in a especially cheery way and off you go. I felt like I was gonna die it was like i was punched in the gut. A straight hit to the heart.  You are way happier single, even happier than me. Happier than, us... Happier than I thought you'd be soo soon. I'm glad you aren't hung up on me. I'm happy that you are full of joy, laughs and smiles when you are around them other wild horses. Gosh my mind is just never happy. I want to be with you (or i think i do...) but i believe I'm better off with out. I really wish I had never started dating in high school it is just a huge distraction that i really don't need, but i cant just quit. A waste of time. It's not like we are capable of comprehending the true meaning of love if there even is a true meaning to the feeling and word love. I just wish i KNEW but I don't know a thing. I saw a quote once and it said " the foolish claim they know everything, but the wise, admit, they know nothing." how does that makes much sense I don't know I'm most definitely not wise. AND if the wise admit they know nothing, then what makes them so wise? I just think too much and I doubt the majority of everything.

I guess by never seeing you around girls before that i could say you changed when you were with me, because you used to have the name "man whore"... Or maybe you just held in the longing to flirt and be around others. or maybe you did... and just hid it. i don't know... I'm thinking too much and its hurting my health its so hard to sleep... i cry till i finally fall asleep around 11:00pm-11:30pm.. i try to go to bed at 10:00pm-10:30pm so what's that? and hour of soaking my pillow by the tears streaming down my cheek. But why? Why am I crying? I'm the one that left... I'm the one that wanted to go... yet i'm hurting more than you seem to be. I'm so confused as to what is wrong with me. it most definitely isn't YOU causing this, it cant be. I should be happier... I know what the problem is. The Rain. Its saddening, it has depressed me to the point where i don't wanna eat sometimes. ahh i just need to get out. get out of here. hang out with a friend... I don't know but I need to get my mind off of being sad because it only helps the water the weeds of sadness in the garden of life. I can hardly focus on school... Ive never been good at homework but i cant ever do my school work right anymore. I need someone to fall onto everyday, someone there to hold me, there to talk to me, there to distract me, there to assure me everything EVERYTHING will be all right. I'm so lost in thought. I wish someone would come save me cause i'm drowning, I'M DROWNING! HELP! :( I'm drowning in thought. It's worse than i thought, I'm more than lost in thought, i'm drowning. suffocating.

Home

BLAH! WTH really? really radio? "There goes my baby"? so i change the station "Id catch a grenade for ya!" OMG :'( **Turns radio off** This girl needs to cheer up. She doesn't even know why she is depressed... but this whole depressed, bitchy mood thing i wanna cry for no gosh damn reason needs to chill the eff out! >.< I just hate feeling down.