When he isn't here...

     When he isn't around or talking to me, I think of him. I know how "Crazy in Love" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsLfIyyTlRc&feature=related) he is with me. I texted him. I guess he doesn't have his phone, cause if he did I know he'd respond. He always tells me how hard it is to not talk to me. I sent him a text no response, okay, nothing really to say to what I sent. So, I send one saying I love him and asking him a question... no response... I type up a text "Baby if you have your phone text me?" I was thinking "If you have your phone, baby please text me I need someone to talk to...I need you to talk to." but I don't wanna sound crazy or hurt. I ended up deleting it, it was never sent... why? because I don't wanna text him 5 billion (really just 3) times with out a response and seem obsessive.
     So, because I missed him I went on his profile, ya know leave him a sweet status. 2 Notifications, hmm whats my boy been up to? Someone commented on this chicks picture after he had, cool what pic? **clicks** Oh wow she is pretty look at that flat tummy! **Scrolls down to the comments** "Wow you look so damn sexy I can't keep my eyes off of you!!" Nice comment... and picture girl is GLAD he can't keep his eyes off of her...just as he was talking about some other girl and her rock hard abs, how she does 300 curl ups because she can, how he has a crush on her, I find this. **sigh** 
     I'm sorry I am not as good looking or sexy as these other girls. He just can't keep your eyes off of them? Gosh, guys are such dogs. He frustrates me. I don't know if he says this stuff because it's true and it's what he thinks or if he says it just to get revenge on me for something I did wrong. Like commenting on a guy's picture saying "sexy abs can't stop looking hehe" or because I have a little crush on a guy. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I don't have a flat tummy he can't stop looking at because it's just "so damn sexy". 
     I should start watching what I eat. Stop drinking soda unless I'm out, which I don't do too much. Pb&J and water for lunch from now on or soup and water. I should run more. Hmm 300 curl-ups every day. Eat one plate of dinner, stop going back for seconds go for a walk right after dinner, ya know burn them calories. I should flat iron my hair everyday for him, and put on mascara and eye liner, so that i'm "so damn sexy" he can't keep his eyes off me. 
     He even comments "very cute pic. its and you are just too beautiful" on a girl's pic that he said he used to like. She is very pretty. I look at her and go hmm, what can I do to be more like her? Wall post says he likes some chick's body and personality, gosh sounds pretty damn perfect to me.
     I just have to keep my head up high.... I'm his girl, and they aren't....but why aren't they? Do they not like him like that? Has he not enough guts to ask them out because he has a crush, her abs are rock hard, she is "so damn sexy", or she is just "too beautiful"? I wish I could stop thinking like that... I get jealous, but I don't try to get revenge on him when he does something, just so he knows how I feel. I do things because that's what I wanted/want to do at the time. I don't do things just to hurt him, or make him feel bad. 
     "It's a natural feeling...especially when you care about someone. As long as it doesn't become psychotic, then I think it's perfectly healthy." "if I am out doing something and my man sees me talking with another man....I think if he's not even just a lil jealous...then maybe he doesn't care about me that much. Jealousy can be an evil emotion and sometimes it borderlines on stupidity and a true feeling...there is a line that needs to be drawn. Because if the other person is giving you THAT much reason to be jealous over...obviously they don't have your best interest at heart." So, I found these comments from a mom, older people know so much. I want to take that in mind when I get jealous and hate that I feel that way, or he gets jealous, It only means he cares, right?
     I wish I could be perfect. So damn perfect that no one compares, that when he sees other girls he thinks "haha mine is so much better" So damn perfect that he can't keep his eyes off me, then he wouldn't be able to not keep his eyes off of other girls, cause he'd be looking at or thinking about his girl, and how amazing she. If only I was perfect.