From April 19th on the other blog :)

This Morning…

Last night I couldn’t sleep. Wide awake. Talked to my bestfriends Green-Eyes & Jazzy till they fell asleep/went to sleep. Then I talk to my other friends, one of which brought up the idea of coming over, sitting outside my house, and (him) playing the guitar…. at 2am. So, I waited till my father left… waited…. waited… GO! :D Sat out there for a good hour catching up. I had’nt seen him in a MONTH. It felt so nice outside. Crickets chirping, guitar being strummed with grace, but I’m sketch, or better way to say it, I make things sketch. I got nervous every time a car went by. I should have been, cause at 3am, here comes Daddy… He has never met my friend… So he met him on the worst terms, his baby girl was awake past bedtime, snuck out, and was with a boy who looked very mature for his age. My friend did a very good thing though :) he got off the tail of the truck and shook my fathers hand. Dad told me to go to bed… I hugged my friend goodbye. He looked like a puppy who’d just been yelled at. aww :(

I laid in bed…

blah I was still wide awake…

**sigh**

Laying in bed,

I was thinking.

….

….

…..

Shit.

shit.

Shit.

shhheeeeeeeetttt.

….

….

….

What is he gonna do to me?

….

…

….

Where is he?

…

….

…..

What is he gonna say?

….

….

….

Is he coming into my room to talk to me?

….

….

….

What will my punishment be?

…

…

…

Why’d he have to ruin a good thing?

…

…

…

I was having fun!

….

…..

….

It was so relaxing

….

….

….

Peaceful

…

…

…

Now how can I do that again and not get caught ;)

I wonder...

Does he still come here? Does he still care? How is he? Does he hurt for me? Cry for me? Know how I feel? Gosh... I can't stop thinking.. I'm alway thinking and this morning it just happens to be him. darn youtube video... **goes to other blog** Sorry bloggie <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSdELZxEnHY&feature=player_embedded#at=969

Thanks for making me cry 1st thing in the morning...

The main one.

I don't have one... hmm Tracy? Brandon?

Ask me anything...you know you wanna....

Tell me everybody you miss.

There's to many to list ^_^

Ask me anything...you know you wanna....

Is there somebody that you are missing right now? If so who?

I miss a lot of people. I miss hanging out with friends <3

Ask me anything...you know you wanna....

why do i miss you?

Because I'm so fluffy like a puppy! :D

Ask me anything...you know you wanna....

You are a confusing girl.

I, confusing? Hahaha Yeah.. I know. I confuse myself all the time.

Ask me anything...you know you wanna....

I can't believe I just unfriended him... and he blocked me **gulp** I'm officially sick to the stomach... bye Always Thinking.. I don't think I'll be on here for a while

Sometimes when I hurt I have to let it. Out.

Time to Enlighten

     Yeah I had disappeared for a little... but my book I carry with me still has my thoughts. I will enlighten you on the  past few days now :)

April 13, 2011

     You texted me after almost a month... Rumors about you had spread like wildfire... It started with your phone bill wasn't paid, to you went to jail, then you were in jail because you robbed a restaurant, you are in prison for robbing a restaurant and having a party w/ under aged drinking... 

     Wow, how thinks fly. I missed you... I've been thinking about you, and well I don't know you very well.... We've only touched the surface. I wish you would open up to me and see how I won't judge you, I won't stop being your friend, i'll probably still like you. ;)

     Shady, sketch, hidden, shy, quiet, reserved, closed off, mysterious...who are you?

     *SIGH* I wish I knew you. I mean I "know you" but I don't KNOW YOU. Who you are, what you're like, knowledge deeper than the simple things anyone can come to a conclusion about you by simply meeting and hanging out with you just once.

     Pissed beyond control. Screw you. You are such a stray dog, the way you run from house to house getting people to feel bad for you and feed you. House one, feels bad feeds you and doesn't know you get food from other houses to. You are such a stray it bothers me. Well, a dog will do as it pleases. Just don't come to me pup I know how you are.

April 15, 2011

" I have to race like a piss horse"

-H.C. (Aka uber blonde)

That's so funny! He had to pee so bad he couldn't talk. I love mess ups like this. They make you laugh and smile. You can bring them up later and bring a smile to others faces cause you remembered the littlest of things.

I'm so sorry

     I'm truly sorry Blogspot... I'm cheating on you. I have a new blog. A blog where I'm completely anonymous... well for the most part... like someone has already figured out who I was... but still. I must keep hush hush. I will try to still blog here. but... I might... I'm so sorry... I might break up with you Blogspot </3

Oh blog

I'm sorry mi amor. I've been caught up. I'll fill you in tomorrow. **pinky promise**

AH! You leave and I think again. I feel pain again. You leave and it's like reality check girl, it's not a dream. When you leave I wanna sleep and dream... like continue what you started ... so sleepy... relaxed...content...happy...

-_- (Eyes) + :) (Smile) = My face

my heart racing like i just sprinted a mile.
im out of breath.
and all it took was 1 minute with you.
2 hugs.
1 hello.
1 goodbye.
2 hearts.
1 racing.
1 unknown.
. . . . . . . . . .
ahh the nervousness. the racing heart, you. you make me smile and you'll never know how i feel... cause for one... im so shy... for two.. i dont know you. open your heart and let me in. i'd love to get to know you. i long to know the real you...

Please don't pull me. I will go in when I want to. Please stop pulling me! You just don't understand the pain of the rough ropes, the itchy dry harness, the cold metal bit. Soon I'll be terrified and scared from that trailer and will never be capable of entering it again. Time. Give it time. I may get over my fears and enter a trailer, perhaps yours.

Him. He leaves without goodbye then expects me to walk with him. To talk with him. When he wants. I went that one way... that way to the bus where I see him. He didn't wanna see me, obviously, he didn't wait. So much for do whatever "tickles my pickle" :( You definitely KILLED me. I over this. Can't we just be friends? If not I can handle it. I've been thinking about it. You don't seem like you can settle for friends. But we have to do what we have to do, and I... I my dear. I'm over you. Like completely over you. I don't LOVE you anymore. I care about you, but I don't LOVE you. I wanted to tell you in the hall...but I just couldn't find the words.

Kisses

     All caught up. This is today. Today's entry :) Today's entry is about a person, a mood, a feeling, a boy. So, when I'm in a very good mood, I wanna kiss someone. Today. You. You my dear stranger. Your lips. They looked so perfect. Smooth. Soft. Pink. Not to big and not to small. I sit across the room watching those beyond perfect lips of yours move as you speak, imagining. Imagining them lips of yours on mine. No sight in the way, eyes closed. Imagining how soft your lips are. Ahh sweet kisses.

Behind! Behind... Hi... I must fill you in dear

I'm so sorry Bloggy, I have neglected you! But I've been writing for you. I keep them in my "diary".... Here's they are!

April 4, 2011

     I absolutely hate leaving my planner at home, it's like my life, well my life at school. I stick all the recent notes in it and it just so happens when you wake up 30 minutes late, you're stressed and can't believe you slept in, you tend to forget stuff at home. I just kept telling myself it isn't happening, I'm not late. I have so much to do! I don't have time! Why didn't my dad let me stay up when I was awake?... WIDE AWAKE, not tired, busy doing laundry and was gonna paint my mini me for art, write a few letters for a 30 day challenge, start the 30 day picture challenge. Bleh, why did Dad tell me to go to bed? I'm almost and adult you would think I should know when I should go to bed... but oh well.

     So, when I get the chance I totally wanna reread the entries in here [the book] and blog them. Continue the idea and flow of consciousness or just simply begin a new flow by responding to what I wrote.

     Don't you hate when you finish work 15 minutes early and you feel it was easy but you know you don't know the information that well? I know I do. I just feel as if I did something wrong and/or understand the assignment. I worry the whole time as I wait for my classmates to finish... am I missing something?

     School... I'm physically here. I'm mentally so far from here I might as well be on Mars... Why Mars? Isn't Mars to hot for humans?! What about aliens? Wow. Random thoughts. OMG my handwriting is mega sloppy ya know if I had remembered to print the 30 day challenge(s)... I could have worked on that.

April 5, 2011

Shaking, I just can't stop

Caffeine is my blood

It runs through my veins like water

Beauty, it's what I feel

Boots on my feet

Unique dress on my back (and front ;) )

Grandmother's necklace around my delicate neck

Oh so soft is my skin

Jesus on my bracelet

Zodiac on the other wrist

Jesus in my heart

You on my mind

Big brown eyes

Traces of green

and all full of love

Silky soft brown hair

Beautiful pink lips you have

I wish you to feel my soft gentle lips on yours

Feel the energy (love) flow from mine to yours

     OMG! I can't believe you! Just get up and walk away from me to sit somewhere else? No bye? What the hell?! I thought we were cool. What did I do wrong? :( You weren't even talking to her UGH! Whatever I'm so over you! "In love" Bahaha What hit me in the head?!

     "What is love?" "The best thing in the world" cutest bathroom graffiti ever! I love it!

     Why did you leaving the table bother me so gosh dang much?! I don't think I'm over you, all the way. I want to be though. I want to be SO OVER YOU! I hate that I care about you so damn much. I'm not in love with you, and I don't think I love you like that anymore. I just need to get over you now. I hate HATE HATE  how much I care about you. Why? Why do I care when you have hurt me so many times before? Why do I want to be friends with you? Why'd you kiss me on the cheek as we enter the cafeteria for lunch then not sit with me?! >.< GAH! I'm so freaking OVER YOU!

     Ignore me? Fine. Okay. I see how it is. I don't wanna go the way I do go to the bus port just to see you. Screw that mess. I'm taking the fast route and I hope you look for me.... I am done chasing after butterflies because you are too. I'm dee-oh-enn-ee. I don't NEED why-oh-you.

     I walked the faster way, the other way, the different route to the bus... you didn't show at the bus... I was expecting you to be looking for me. I guess this is it. We are over. You leave with out a good bye, when I don't show you don't look. I wonder... will we still, please say we will, be ya know, friends? I hope so hun

ahh refreshed...fresh out of the shower. damp body pat dry with the towel then rub in the lotion...ah the smells shampoo body wash lotion perfume deodorant...there is something truely magicical about showers. what they do for the body is so amazing... now off to sleep i go. relaxed. happy. clean. refreshed.

how would i make this night perfect? a body so warm to wiggle up to and snuggle into arms. i love being held...i feel so safe....so protected...i need cuddly warm body to hold me close to end the night w a kiss.... aww so so perfect the night would be.

Af*ckingmazingly Spectacularous!

"Af*ckingmazingly Spectacularous!" Is how I would describe my mood today. Slept well, woke up at 8... Laid in bed till like 9. Cleaned my room. My youngest brother made me a huge fluffy pancake, like 1/2 inch thick, and dinner plate sized, ALL THE WAY COOKED TO PERFECTION! <3 Nice golden color. Gosh he is amazing at his pancakes. Worked on laundry. Took a refreshing shower, cherry blossom shampoo and conditioner, pure seduction body wash... ahh the smells, the warm water, running my fingers through my hair rinsing the conditioner out, oh so soft. Dressed in jeans, v-neck not to revealing, put on my hematite bracelet, Sagittarius bracelet, Jesus hematite bracelet, and hematite cross necklace. Went to the Zoo with my mom to see the new Asian Exhibit. The zoo was throwing a Chinese celebration for the new Exhibit, specifically the tigers. <3

Finally decided it is time to be single. Single mentally, physically, and facebook-ally :) I need to meet other people. I was getting in too deep for my liking. I personally feel i'm too young to be that serious.

I hate when my dad tells me to go to bed. When I'm wide awake and just can't sleep. Plus I have better things to do than lay in bed trying to sleep. I can sleep when I'm dead :)

Sleep cut me off! How rude. haha

     Why? Why is it that some days, I wish I had someone to hold me? Someone who loves me as me. Someone who wouldn't change a thing about me. Loves how not perfect I am. Can deal with how difficult I can be, how emotional I can get. Thinks it's cute when I cry over the stupidest things, frustration, anger, sadness, depression. Someone who can understand that sometimes, I get depressed for no set reason. Like it just happens. Just like some days I feel like I'm useless, a bother to everyone, and they tell me "No, you aren't bothering me at all" and for some reason just my mood makes me feel like it's a lie, no matter how honest the person is. (I'm so tired) (SO tired... I could go on and on and on... but I was just told "GO TO SLEEP BITCH" I want to sleep. Like my body does. but mentally I wanna do this. I wanna blog. I wanna talk. I wanna cuddle. I wanna snuggle. I wanna look into beautiful eyes. I wanna kiss someone. I wanna feel emotionally close. An honest connection, one that makes butterflies spontaneously grow in your stomach.)
     So, I learned today. No i only figured it out... *sleeps*

Nothing bringing me down today, not even the grey clouds ahead.

Dark skies can't bring me down

I've waken up in a good mood

Had no trouble getting to sleep in this town

Someone was there to cheer me up, this dude

We can share our secrets to be kept

Sharing only when in a dream

For there they can be kept

Creating no steam

Causing no harm

For secrets are kept hush hush

If there is cause for alarm

For this crush crush

Bored + Good Mood = Cheesy Rhyming Poem. Yes, very cheesy lol I have tried too hard for it to rhyme when i don't normally take the time (to do that). Haha Kitten in a good mood :) even on the school bus on the way to school. Thank you; Sleep, Coffee, Art, and the special friends you can share your secrets with, for the awesome day I feel coming on.

It may be dark and glum

but I ain't no chum

I won't let it bring me down

I'm gonna make the best of this town

Bus windows foggy

but no one can make this day smoggy

The atmosphere, oh so toasty

Just like the west coasty

Oh my gosh am i a dork or what?! I'm sitting here smiling excited about the poem directly above! Haha mostly the rhyming of toasty and west coasty! Haha the joys of being an IB student, amused by the smallest things in life. Hahaha typo in the word things and my Ipod fixes it to say thugs. Bahahaha wowzers! Well back to the smallest things in life being amusing, well that's the way to live life. You are just so much happier when easily pleased :) At school now, see ya later ^_^